02-25-2012, 12:38 AM
I'm gonna put it in my signature: 'I suck at poetry. Forgive me for my ignorance.' So I don't have to keep typing it :p Anyway, I don't get what you are doing here and I'd like to ask questions, but I'm not even sure what to ask.
Why repeat so many words? It makes my head hurt a little when I look at it- not to mention that the whole poem is like ten words long if you take out the repetition. I saw that you used a consistent meter broken at the fifth foot . . .
As to the theme . . .
a good person (aspirator and an inspiration)
got around (or was known around)
near the water with cliffs above
she dreams of clouds and sky
Our Local Business . . .
Why repeat so many words? It makes my head hurt a little when I look at it- not to mention that the whole poem is like ten words long if you take out the repetition. I saw that you used a consistent meter broken at the fifth foot . . .
As to the theme . . .
a good person (aspirator and an inspiration)
got around (or was known around)
near the water with cliffs above
she dreams of clouds and sky
Our Local Business . . .