Not amused

[tectak]

hello tec
seems like a commentary on writing, one which I've been too familiar with (as I'm sure is true for most..)
what I thought as I read

Not amused (v2)

Beg as you sleep, she has no heart; yet deafness feigned
is so profound, that you may better pen your plea...personally, I wanted a stronger word than "may". not sure if the comma is entirely needed
You start with one small word and wait; but you are dry
and void whilst she, the liquid lexicon, walks by....I thought "dry" from the last line was accurate enough and "void" could be a little extra for what you're going for; again, a personal preference. at times, I debated if too much is given away already with "lexicon"

Where has she gone? The buffered pen holds still, restrained ...really like the "buffered". I felt as though I was watching a hunt for a moment, as though 10something just flashed by your eye and you want to see what it was4
by disconnected thoughts. How long you wait 'till she ...not sure how I feel about "disconnected thoughts;" again, personal preference
decides to grant a sip. The wine of words will slake ...great flow with "wine of words"0@@
the thirst which comes in restless nights, 'til each day break. ...like the line, think it could be enhanced with a stronger word than "comes"

A drop will fall; the paper virgin, white but stained,
lies temptingly beside you and you turn to see
what offering she makes; a dream! You drift awake, ...so used to drifting asleep that "drift awake" was refreshing
cursing what slipped away, and what was yours to take. ...certainly can relate; makes for a solid close

just some suggestions; maybe one or two will strike your fancy!

Some do, some don't. The gentle "may" is because it is a suggestion to "you". If the line read "that I should better pen my plea" then yes, agreed. Come to think of it, which I didn't, perhaps the line is better as latter
I wanted "dry" to lead into the thirst metaphor and "void"to indicate the emptiness felt.
"buffered" as in waiting for information to download, "disconnected" as a reason why it doesn't. How fast is your broadband?
I realise it is a well worked theme but when it comes to cherché la femme we are not amused.
Best and thanks,
Tectak