Dress Code

[tectak]

Uniforms did not stop
pimples in middle school
or ease swelling
in the playground;
Now this stanza is just fine but I am sure that there are interpretive allusions regarding that swelling in the playground! Long, tight trousers are bad for boy at that interesting stage of development
when the bee stung your forehead,Oooops! I see..it's er...a bee-sting. Sorry, my mistake. See what I mean? Try "pimples when" but the swelling in the playground remains a delightful problem"
your eye was closed
like a red balloon,
floating through the stairwells
to the nurse for a shot
or phone call home. There should be no choice here. What do you want, young man, a shot or a phone call home". Both I would think. So "and"?

No uniform
I ever saw
hid crooked teeth or braces,
hair cuts or broken arms;

everyone wearing
everyone else's clothesvery good. Emotive recall. Accumulative effect.
made those things bolder
as a shot of sunshot twice
in an afternoon hallway,

so it was no surprise
when the names followed you
into the classroom, cluttered your desk
and waited at your locker.

"Alien" was the most popular,
followed by "Cyclops"
or the less creative
"Freak." for me,omit this stanza

You shednot clear here
and returned them to their owners
when your eye opened,its still there but I am going to get lost, I just know it

and it stained
the only shirts
they ever wore to school
that year. good but now unrelated stanza due to my buggering up your train of though. It is not derailed but I don't think you can get here from there!

A very worthy effort which suited me. I enjoy these cameos immensely as I cannot write them. I was still of a mind to get on my old nag and ride you on line length and punctuation but am no longer as passionate as I was and you have made good.
Best,
tectak[/b]