02-22-2012, 08:10 PM
"I'd get rid of the last four lines; they're melodramatic and a bit too
much like a summation"
Concur.
Nice Geoff.
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This is problematic:
"made those things bolder
as a shot of sun
in an afternoon hallway,"
maybe
made things (colors?) bolder;
like a shot of sun
in an afternoon hallway,
Dale
PS I have not been able to get to commenting on all of it, but I have noticed that you have been turning out some really nice pieces.
much like a summation"
Concur.
Nice Geoff.
--------------------------------------------
This is problematic:
"made those things bolder
as a shot of sun
in an afternoon hallway,"
maybe
made things (colors?) bolder;
like a shot of sun
in an afternoon hallway,
Dale
PS I have not been able to get to commenting on all of it, but I have noticed that you have been turning out some really nice pieces.
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.