Father's Day

[billy]

to say what you feel is okay, as long as it's about the poem which this is.
thick skin is a requirement here. as long as something isn't said out of malice about a poem we the poet cannot complain
don't stop giving your thoughts tecktak. the feedback was a little harsh but honest ( my view)

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the phone call i do agree that a Cap would look better seeing that you use grammar rules elsewhere in the poem (and caps). (just a nit)
that sent you
into the bathroom
and turned on the water
has died, leaving us
separated by echoes
of a tub and bolted door. i really like how this stanza sets the piece up

Here we are,
our plates being washed at a restaurant,
our cards fallen on the counter,
with nothing to say; the move seems too great though i'm sure the title plays it's part in making it understood, it does for me, another good stanza

no words
to break a fastened lock
or sliver through
a round keyhole for me this would have made a better 2nd stanza

until mother orders meanother disjoint that feels a bit to wide.
to dust grandfather's photograph
with a rag that cannot take away
the cane that waited
at his side, or how grey
his hair had become;

grey as memories
that spill from a faucet
with steam too considerate
to hide your reflection. i like this stanza because it keeps dad alive somehow.

i can't really fault the poem as it is. it reads well and has something that pulls me in. that said i'd like to see it expanded upon, specially the phone-call.

for me you have lots and lots in here that i like. i would like to see a bit of stanza rearranging but thats jmo. i do think if you do an edit you could flesh it out a bit.

as for the layout, i'm okay with the shorter lines.

thanks for the read.