Entrance

[tectak]

hello tectac!
i'm sorry if it appears as a free-thinking technique; that certainly wasn't the intention at all as it did have a goal in mind from the beginning...

the stanzas i used to show shifts in thought processes, mostly so in the opening stanzas, so I could definitely understand an argument to unify the closing stanzas in the revised version (I had adjusted the ending in the revision to a degree--the revision does end with "cross". I kept the original up to emphasize the changes made).

I appreciate the thoughts and time you have given. if you could advise me on which specific sections/ images you struggled most with, I am certainly willing to take a closer look.
thanks again!


Here and on another piece of yours I ranted on about clarity. I even went as far as to suggest a rewrite. I cannot retract from the criticism but I feel that you have a very frustrated muse. Having so much to impart in an endeavour like poetry writing can be very restrictive. You appear to NEED to get across your points and will be constantly frustrated by limitations imposed by the art form, and by whining pedants like me telling you to conform. Take no heed of the whingeing UNLESS you, too, feel the same frustrations. Can I respectfully suggest that you make a recording of someone other than yourself, preferably a complete stranger, reading you work out loud. Then sit in a bar and tell friends around you that the recording you are going to play back was written by the orator. Play it and note the comments.
Now repeat the experiment with another group but this time tell them in advance that you wrote the piece.
When you can write a piece which when heard in these two environments elicit the same responses....then you have got it made!
Best,
Tectak