02-15-2012, 02:50 AM
"i'm struggling to understand why i can't lose my mind in the bedroom,"
It wasn't "in the bedroom", it was "into the bedroom". According to Mark, the use of the into is to imply that she "ran".
"in L5 if you replace 'loses her mind' with 'ran' that is the context that I am striving for"
So once again: "She ran into the bedroom" is in no way equivalent to "She loses her mind into the bedroom".
You could say "'I was crying down the road'" as there is the implication of "I'm crying as I am walking down the road" thus it is an appropriate extension of a sensible phrase, you are merely using shorthand. So even though you leave out part of the sentence, the meaning is still communicated to the reader. An equivalent phrase to that would be
"She lost her mind in the bedroom". Although part of the sentence is missing, the reader will still understand that you did not mean this literally, e.g. her head popped open and her brain fell out while she was in the bedroom and now she cannot find it. They will know you are talking figuratively.
In your original phrase, "she loses her mind into the bedroom" , would not work regardless of the words. One cannot lose something into something else. In figuratively such as "She lost herself in his eyes" not "She lost herself into his eyes".
BTW it would be lost because you are writing in past tense. There is no usage common or uncommon that uses into in terms of non-movement. "Into" indicates movement from one place to another. You could even say, "She went from sanity into madness in the blink of an eye."
Even when we lose something because it fell into something else we still do not say it that way, "into" only comes into play with the explanation. I lost my money, when it fell into the pond. One would never write, "I lost my money into the pond" because we are talking about "lose", and lose speaks to a lessening, not a movement. Does "I gain into the bedroom" make any sense to you?
"that doesn't destroy the feeling that I originally had."
If you can't clearly verbalize the "feeling" then you haven't got it yet. I have had many experiences that I could not verbalize at the time because I lack the experience and the skill with the language. It was very frustrating.
Trust me, I use to do this all the time. I thought I was losing something significant by rephrasing it correctly, and to some extent that was true because I lacked the ability to put what I wanted to say in words that were understandable. Usually I found that I was trying to say more than one thing, in just the space of a single phrase. I've been there. I know, and this won't work. Believe me, I am all for brevity in poetry, but you have cut way to much out. Why don't you try allowing yourself two sentences to say what you are meaning to say in that one phrase.
Dale
It wasn't "in the bedroom", it was "into the bedroom". According to Mark, the use of the into is to imply that she "ran".
"in L5 if you replace 'loses her mind' with 'ran' that is the context that I am striving for"
So once again: "She ran into the bedroom" is in no way equivalent to "She loses her mind into the bedroom".
You could say "'I was crying down the road'" as there is the implication of "I'm crying as I am walking down the road" thus it is an appropriate extension of a sensible phrase, you are merely using shorthand. So even though you leave out part of the sentence, the meaning is still communicated to the reader. An equivalent phrase to that would be
"She lost her mind in the bedroom". Although part of the sentence is missing, the reader will still understand that you did not mean this literally, e.g. her head popped open and her brain fell out while she was in the bedroom and now she cannot find it. They will know you are talking figuratively.
In your original phrase, "she loses her mind into the bedroom" , would not work regardless of the words. One cannot lose something into something else. In figuratively such as "She lost herself in his eyes" not "She lost herself into his eyes".
BTW it would be lost because you are writing in past tense. There is no usage common or uncommon that uses into in terms of non-movement. "Into" indicates movement from one place to another. You could even say, "She went from sanity into madness in the blink of an eye."
Even when we lose something because it fell into something else we still do not say it that way, "into" only comes into play with the explanation. I lost my money, when it fell into the pond. One would never write, "I lost my money into the pond" because we are talking about "lose", and lose speaks to a lessening, not a movement. Does "I gain into the bedroom" make any sense to you?
"that doesn't destroy the feeling that I originally had."
If you can't clearly verbalize the "feeling" then you haven't got it yet. I have had many experiences that I could not verbalize at the time because I lack the experience and the skill with the language. It was very frustrating.
Trust me, I use to do this all the time. I thought I was losing something significant by rephrasing it correctly, and to some extent that was true because I lacked the ability to put what I wanted to say in words that were understandable. Usually I found that I was trying to say more than one thing, in just the space of a single phrase. I've been there. I know, and this won't work. Believe me, I am all for brevity in poetry, but you have cut way to much out. Why don't you try allowing yourself two sentences to say what you are meaning to say in that one phrase.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.