Unclichéd Valentine

[tectak]

Unclichéd Valentine
I lie awake, dream on my love. Boiling in me, fizzing salts;
Inflate my world with pressured joy. Stay in my thoughts.
The font endowed by me for you? Verdana, love in bold and blue. i love this line, she's not like my lucinda

Yet love, my love, my twenty point, never backspaced though you've faults. (like a double space between though and you've)
Aspartined, my waking space is. Artificial some may say. For you I fought
And won this right, to choose the typeface. Now I shall make verse of you.
No cliché will the judges see; fresh words will endlessly exalt.
On Turkish linen, in papyrus, words in black phenolic ink. I have bought
For you to gaze on, a Valentine with love renewed.

Tectak
Valentine's day.
2012

bugger, i actually google; uncliched valentine, poem expecting to have a gazillion with the same title, alas i were thwarted in my attempt to say, The titles a bit cliche.
not a lot to if anything to suggest, apart from, change the font .
it's definitely original for me, with an unobtrusive rhyme scheme.

thanks for the read

Yippeeee to that google.....unclichédvalentine.com? Any bids? Oh,and for erthona if he strays this way again, sterling banknotes used linen fibres (lint) for a long time. It was a hallmark of the paper....er papyrus.

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That was me that said it is nearly impossible to do so. I always say that before I tear apart some god awful Christopher Marlow imitator (and of course his original was god awful also).

Tectak,

I admire your stalwart attempt at a clichés-less love poem, although some of your images leave something to be desired, but by God, one can't fault you for lack of originality. It is leagues above the efforts of the lovelorn writers of sophomoronic Hallmarkisms that appear to be the love infested's insult of choice, that and that God-awful pedantic dogmatic religiosity they refer to as religious poetry. Somehow, the first stanza recalled to me the image of the stay puff marshmallow man from Ghost Busters. Nice play on font, and fount. Although somewhat awkward "never backspaced though you've faults" is a nice line/image. I'm not sure how you get "On Turkish linen, in papyrus" to work,unless you mean the font "papyrus"? I see we have revisited your self manufactured "phenolic ink" to give a nice soaking of bile at the end, something no love poem should be without For some reason the poem reminds me of one of Poe's romantic tales...I wonder why that is?
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I love you like cottage cheese,
let me count the wheys! err clichés

Stay in my thoughts
Yet love,
For you I fought
with love renewed.
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"yanks claiming responsibility for it"

Hey, we only claim responsibility for pulling the Frenchies cookies out of the fire, which we now realize was a mistake.
We realized that when we got to Paris and saw that the French had planted trees up and down the Champ Elysees so the German's could march in the shade as they conquered them.


Dale

I really enjoyed this critique. You deserve an erratum. The turkish linen was used in counterfeit gbp banknotes during Operation Bernhard 1945. I had heard it somewhere but you prompted me to research it in a little more depth. "Turkish linen,in papyrus" was an attempt to indicate expensive paper. Apparently the real banknotes used any old rags!
How I love this country!
Best,
Tectak