02-15-2012, 12:11 AM
Erthona,
Thanks for taking time to read and give your thoughts.
I'll agree that 'lose her mind into the bedroom' is a very odd phrase but I still feel good about using it. If I said I was 'crying down the road' it would be improper English maybe, but it would tell a lot about the trip I took. This is my intention here. You make a good point that readers may not understand the line so I will continue to look at it.
Billy,
I get the same advice a lot: more, more, more. I just have a hard time finding anything to add that doesn't destroy the feeling that I originally had. Nevertheless I will keep trying. Thanks for your time, Billy.
Thanks for taking time to read and give your thoughts.
I'll agree that 'lose her mind into the bedroom' is a very odd phrase but I still feel good about using it. If I said I was 'crying down the road' it would be improper English maybe, but it would tell a lot about the trip I took. This is my intention here. You make a good point that readers may not understand the line so I will continue to look at it.
Billy,
I get the same advice a lot: more, more, more. I just have a hard time finding anything to add that doesn't destroy the feeling that I originally had. Nevertheless I will keep trying. Thanks for your time, Billy.