Entrance

[billy]

Look, it may be outside my pay-scale but could you just rewrite this as I am genuinely at a loss to decide whether it is good, bad or ugly.
What I can say is that this is an organic piece of free verse in danger of iterating into a fractal. You must stop it at all costs as it has already begun to degrade into endless complexity and repetitive patterns. I believe that you felt this, too, as so very few examples of this genre ( there must be a better word) end on the word "end". I should have been a shrink!
Best,
Tectak

if you suggest a rewrite, try and give some definitive reason why (i'm at a loss to decide whether it is good, bad or ugly.) doesn't really help the poet.

( I believe that you felt this, too) critique the poetry not the poet. /admin