The Melancholy Angel

[Leanne]

Hi there! I do like this, your garden metaphor is very well drawn and the mood is consistently dark with a bitter edge. The meter does fall down in a couple of places, but that's incredibly easy to fix. It's rare to find rhyming couplets that work this well.

Down inside the darkness of a twisted lonely mind, -- nice opening line, and very strong starting on a trochee
began the end of meaning with the life she left behind,
now scattered in the moonlight, which is cast into the past,
where lurks a beast of morose stalking patient to her last. -- it's possibly just an accent thing, but I say "mor-OSE", so the meter falls down a bit here to my reading -- ignore me if you say it differently
Violated garden lies beyond cooling ashes of her smile, -- meter-wise, I have serious trouble with this line, it's simply too long, perhaps something like "a violated garden lies behind her ashen smile"?
each flower stripped of colour with his filthy lust's defile,
and thus rain must fall forever, leaving marks upon her face, -- "and" isn't necessary here
or as glitter on the cobwebs like the liquid on the lace. -- this is pretty
So her wings are made of dust, and her eyes are made of glass,
nameless lying bleeding, weaving words of golden grass,
while white lilies will grow eagerly amongst remains of sanity,
and pale reflections of her loss await in groves of vanity. -- really interesting closing couplet, with very nice use of triple rhymes