02-05-2012, 04:36 PM
As far as I am concerned it would have been better to end with
"as her white lace dress turns to red."
but I suppose you thought you needed a denouement to bask in the afterglow with jello.
I agree with Leanne, about the "Gumby legs", you aptly identify that sort of encounter,
although it seems it should be
"she strikes at him with big hazel eyes."
The way you have it now is a bit ambiguous. Now if you wanted to change "strikes" to "inflames" him. The first is to attack, the second is to engender.
Still, I red it and it red well!
Dale
"as her white lace dress turns to red."
but I suppose you thought you needed a denouement to bask in the afterglow with jello.
I agree with Leanne, about the "Gumby legs", you aptly identify that sort of encounter,
although it seems it should be
"she strikes at him with big hazel eyes."
The way you have it now is a bit ambiguous. Now if you wanted to change "strikes" to "inflames" him. The first is to attack, the second is to engender.
Still, I red it and it red well!
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.