I'm Still Tying My Shoe

[billy]

Sunset

Escape of thoughts never
Completely contemplated

The mark of another word I failed
To say right

Sound of a prayer for light to see my way
Aware that I’m blind i really like the self awareness of this couplet it closes of the sunset with a bit of strength.


Dawn

A shot from a gun to start the race
I’m still tying my shoe this is my favourite couplet. it leaves an good image. it feels a bit like the 1st person doesn't really care either.

It’s the hesitation to shoot the mocking bird
Singing my requiem

Beginning of a life long journey
That starts one step back

hi vika;

first off i like the poem. i felt that the first couplet could be stronger though.
would the 'sunset' and 'dawn' stand out more in italics?

i think you could have done better with the title though it is a good one, it could maybe give a chance to add something else to the poem that isn't already in there.

thanks for the read