01-24-2012, 11:00 AM
yet when I turn within it’s dark, I find no truth in me. ..so far, I am with everything I've read. this line did strike me as a little forced
That's probably because it falls in straight iambic which of course gives it a more regular sound than the rest. It was purposeful, with the thought of a fist pounding out the words. But I may need to look at it.
Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp,
and so battle as I might, I can’t o’er come myself...maybe just me, but the lexical choices here really switch tones dramatically and in too short a span. going from a more modern "lustful bitch" to the time-honored and romantic sounding "o'er come myself" caught me off-guard.
o'er should have be overcome. It had read cannot, and I switched it to can't but forgot to switch o'er come to overcome. However, I'm not entirely sure the romantics didn't use "lustful bitch" upon occasion.
I know Coleridge used "Mastiff Bitch" in Christabel. But you are probably correct.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Through a glass darkly am I condemned to view,
"Through a glass darkly" is an allusion Corinthians 13
"But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."
dull gray shades only, never the multi-colored hues. ...again, felt forced. What multi-colored hues? this could be elaborated. I understand what you're saying, but the idea feels incomplete to me
That refers to the first line "Like Milton, the truth of all time I might aspire to pen". And then later:
"How long must my vision be cursed with these cataracts,
seeking Truth yet finding only, mundane worthless facts"
. i would switch the comma to after "mundane". could be bolstered by, again, elaboration on your idea. what kinds of facts?
Yes, the comma should be gone.
What kind of facts? The meaningless sort that people are always so fond of quoting, yet have no real connection to the truth, acting as though one can find the truth through reductionism.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
When all my blood has seeped away, into this hateful book, need the first comma?
NO, that's a typo. I'll remove it, thanks.
------------------------------------------------------------------
will that have bought me one chance at unvarnished truth to look?
Or will I die unknowing, only to come back once again,...played with making this a period instead That comma should not be there, the ellipses are suppose to act as a caesura.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I pray not as a poet, but as an ordinary man. ...i'm jealous of the close Thanks
----------------------------------------------------------------------
my first reaction is to wonder what the meter does for you. excuse me if I overstep my bounds, but the only merit I found for it in this piece was to create a poem that meets the requirements. for something that is tackling true depth (the "truth of all time"), so many ideas are left hanging without explanation.
Well actually, this is accentual verse, so there is no meter per se, although it does probably wander into free iambic on occasion.
In terms of the truth, it really isn't about truth, it's more about the fact that a poet is forced to look for the truth, and the things within himself that block him from it, so the journey to the truth is firstly a journey to be rid of the falsehood inherent in ones self perception. The price is a leveling of ones pride, which at times is not just humbling, but also humiliating.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I wasn't satisfied with the execution though.
Neither was I really, but I would have to disagree that it would work better in a different form, especially as "villanelle", but then I have a generally prejudice against French forms in general
I'll have to think upon it. Regardless, thanks for the input, and I will consider what might be done with the form.
Dale
Billy,
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp, should there be a comma after bitch?
Yes, probably.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this and above, two great lines though i think i've read through a glass darkly somewhere else
Literary allusion to Corinthians 13
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
why cap Truth? for me it lends nothing extra
To signify that I am talking about "truth" in the sense it is used in philosophy, especially aesthetics
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
very sharp
Ha, ha, very punny!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
o'er - see above.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"i struggled with the phrase accentual heptameter"
In accentual verse, only the stressed syllables are counted. Heptameter means it has seven feet, therefore each line has seven stressed syllables. To use heptameter is a bit of a misnomer as it implies seven metered feet, and accentual verse is not metered, so it may have been more appropriate to say seven foot accentual verse, but that seemed unduly awkward. It is similar to the term blank verse, which generally means non-rhymed iambic pentameter, but it could apply as well to any verse form that is not rhymed as long as the foot lenght is noted to distinguish it from pentameter, such as "blank verse tetrameter".
I simply put "accentual heptameter" so people would not waste their time trying to figure what sort of strange meter this was. Obviously I should reconsider in the future, as it seemed to cause more confusion than clarity.
As always, thanks for your thoughts and suggestions Billy,
Dale
That's probably because it falls in straight iambic which of course gives it a more regular sound than the rest. It was purposeful, with the thought of a fist pounding out the words. But I may need to look at it.
Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp,
and so battle as I might, I can’t o’er come myself...maybe just me, but the lexical choices here really switch tones dramatically and in too short a span. going from a more modern "lustful bitch" to the time-honored and romantic sounding "o'er come myself" caught me off-guard.
o'er should have be overcome. It had read cannot, and I switched it to can't but forgot to switch o'er come to overcome. However, I'm not entirely sure the romantics didn't use "lustful bitch" upon occasion.
I know Coleridge used "Mastiff Bitch" in Christabel.
But you are probably correct.-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Through a glass darkly am I condemned to view,
"Through a glass darkly" is an allusion Corinthians 13
"But when that which is perfect is come, then that which is in part shall be done away. When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known."
dull gray shades only, never the multi-colored hues. ...again, felt forced. What multi-colored hues? this could be elaborated. I understand what you're saying, but the idea feels incomplete to me
That refers to the first line "Like Milton, the truth of all time I might aspire to pen". And then later:
"How long must my vision be cursed with these cataracts,
seeking Truth yet finding only, mundane worthless facts"
. i would switch the comma to after "mundane". could be bolstered by, again, elaboration on your idea. what kinds of facts?
Yes, the comma should be gone.
What kind of facts? The meaningless sort that people are always so fond of quoting, yet have no real connection to the truth, acting as though one can find the truth through reductionism.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
When all my blood has seeped away, into this hateful book, need the first comma?
NO, that's a typo. I'll remove it, thanks.
------------------------------------------------------------------
will that have bought me one chance at unvarnished truth to look?
Or will I die unknowing, only to come back once again,...played with making this a period instead That comma should not be there, the ellipses are suppose to act as a caesura.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I pray not as a poet, but as an ordinary man. ...i'm jealous of the close Thanks
----------------------------------------------------------------------
my first reaction is to wonder what the meter does for you. excuse me if I overstep my bounds, but the only merit I found for it in this piece was to create a poem that meets the requirements. for something that is tackling true depth (the "truth of all time"), so many ideas are left hanging without explanation.
Well actually, this is accentual verse, so there is no meter per se, although it does probably wander into free iambic on occasion.
In terms of the truth, it really isn't about truth, it's more about the fact that a poet is forced to look for the truth, and the things within himself that block him from it, so the journey to the truth is firstly a journey to be rid of the falsehood inherent in ones self perception. The price is a leveling of ones pride, which at times is not just humbling, but also humiliating.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I wasn't satisfied with the execution though.
Neither was I really, but I would have to disagree that it would work better in a different form, especially as "villanelle", but then I have a generally prejudice against French forms in general
I'll have to think upon it. Regardless, thanks for the input, and I will consider what might be done with the form.Dale
Billy,
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Error, like a lustful bitch her brood quickly whelp, should there be a comma after bitch?
Yes, probably.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
this and above, two great lines though i think i've read through a glass darkly somewhere else
Literary allusion to Corinthians 13
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
why cap Truth? for me it lends nothing extra
To signify that I am talking about "truth" in the sense it is used in philosophy, especially aesthetics
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
very sharp
Ha, ha, very punny!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
o'er - see above.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"i struggled with the phrase accentual heptameter"
In accentual verse, only the stressed syllables are counted. Heptameter means it has seven feet, therefore each line has seven stressed syllables. To use heptameter is a bit of a misnomer as it implies seven metered feet, and accentual verse is not metered, so it may have been more appropriate to say seven foot accentual verse, but that seemed unduly awkward. It is similar to the term blank verse, which generally means non-rhymed iambic pentameter, but it could apply as well to any verse form that is not rhymed as long as the foot lenght is noted to distinguish it from pentameter, such as "blank verse tetrameter".
I simply put "accentual heptameter" so people would not waste their time trying to figure what sort of strange meter this was. Obviously I should reconsider in the future, as it seemed to cause more confusion than clarity.
As always, thanks for your thoughts and suggestions Billy,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.