Askew

[rayheinrich]

Ray, thanks, thinking your comments over for now... but the last one seems odd to me because when I read it aloud, I don't stress "can" at all -- I read it as:

but i DON'T/ think i can BREATHE

or at a pinch, I can stretch it to iambs I guess, as long as there's an anapaest to start:

but i DON'T/ think I/ can BREATHE

then an anapaest for "underGROUND" to close on a strong stress.

To me it's the "breathe" that's important, maybe I should record it and see how it sounds.

Ha, yes, I see what confused me about the rhythm.

You can ignore the 'can' rhythm/stress thing, that was just me
trying to figure out how to speak/read your lines with a pleasing
rhythm. I found my real problem when you showed me how you
scanned it:

    but I DON'T/ think I can BREATHE
    underGROUND

I realized I pronounce 'underground' differently (and, looking
at a few dictionaries, find I'm in the minority).

I say: 'UN-de-grown', with the middle syllable almost swallowed
and with the end 'd' dropped.

But most people say: 'UN-der-GROUND' or even: 'un-de-GROUND'.
(Though some may drop the 'd'.)

So I was speaking it like this:

    but I DON'T/ think I can BREATHE
    UN-de-grown

That reading made the 'UN' on the second line quite jarring.

Oddly enough, if you break 'underground' into two words:

    but I don't think I can breathe
    under ground

I would pronounce it almost correctly. (Not that I'm suggesting
that, I'm just pointing out the oddity.)

Interesting. It's an example of one of the parts of a piece that's
transferred to readers when the writer delivers it with their own
voice, but that readers have to fill in for themselves when it comes
from the page.

P.S. I just asked my wife to say it and she uses your way. My sister,
on the phone this morning, used it my way. (I guess my sister and
I must belong to some local species of redneck.) Anybody else
say it that way?