Workshop question

[Erthona]

When you say "static and weak", are you meaning uninteresting? Because I don't think it is a static line. You say,

"She was old and feeble..."

and I want to say, "and...?"

But you can always spice it up by going to

She was infirmed and decrepit

You can get overly cutesy as well as alliterative with

"a seasoned, senile, senior"

Whatever, just find you some synonyms that you like and put them in there instead.

However, the point to me is, this is not the point of emphasis, it is simply a terse statement that adequately describes "her" so you can get to the part that is the meat of the line. Plus by not making it cute, dynamic or involved, it makes it easier to juxtapose against the pushed her down the stairs, thus eliciting that voyeuristic reaction you saw from everybody. What makes music is both the pitched tones, and the pauses in between. That part of the line needs to be an adequate "foil" to the other part, the Dr. Watson, to Holmes. I'm the first to rail against cliche, and trite phrases, but in some cases such as this, worn and familiar serves the best.

That's my take anyway!

Dale