01-01-2012, 07:22 AM
The poem leans strongly towards vagueness and generalities which weakens it, although it does engender a half asleep feel to it.
For it's purpose the poem is for the most part clear enough.
----------------------------------------------------------------
To me there are two disruptive points:
The line,
"something gave it me"
is problematic syntactically, and so creates a distraction in the reading.
Another is "not enough, it is"
which seems like a bit of Yoda speech.
I think it is somewhat of a difficulty/weakness when you end with the thesis
"deepest feelings
are always true"
It is not addressed in the poem, and not connected to it in anyway. That is to say it seems somewhat ad hoc, and because the way the poem is structured I could plug about any statement into that spot and it be as valid as that one. To put it poetically, it hangs more as an appendix than a heart.
Cheers,
Dale
For it's purpose the poem is for the most part clear enough.
----------------------------------------------------------------
To me there are two disruptive points:
The line,
"something gave it me"
is problematic syntactically, and so creates a distraction in the reading.
Another is "not enough, it is"
which seems like a bit of Yoda speech.
I think it is somewhat of a difficulty/weakness when you end with the thesis
"deepest feelings
are always true"
It is not addressed in the poem, and not connected to it in anyway. That is to say it seems somewhat ad hoc, and because the way the poem is structured I could plug about any statement into that spot and it be as valid as that one. To put it poetically, it hangs more as an appendix than a heart.
Cheers,
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.