12-23-2011, 02:36 AM
I'm going to annoy you now. I liked the mateyness of the phrase which fitted perfectly into your harangue at the sun. You spoke to him in the way I often speak to the weather (only I'm a sun lover) 'For god's sake, can't you find someone else to rain on? What have I done to deserve this? Go and annoy someone else for a change. etc. etc. Your average Joe does speak in cliches and you've caught this beautifully.
May I ask about the 'sore-headed' sun sharing the same sentence with 'eager grin'....Are you referring to the emblem of the sun which is usually that of an orange ball with golden spikes radiating out from him as if he's got a bad migraine? or that the sun IS bad-tempered?
A half-formed thought - stylistically - how about using Glimmer. Smirk. Dance. Shine. That creates a link between each outburst that seems (to me) to reinforce the poetry of this piece.
May I ask about the 'sore-headed' sun sharing the same sentence with 'eager grin'....Are you referring to the emblem of the sun which is usually that of an orange ball with golden spikes radiating out from him as if he's got a bad migraine? or that the sun IS bad-tempered?
A half-formed thought - stylistically - how about using Glimmer. Smirk. Dance. Shine. That creates a link between each outburst that seems (to me) to reinforce the poetry of this piece.