12-21-2011, 12:06 PM
Oh yes, I think this reads much better. It is much more clear, and that clarity makes it more powerful. And whereas "It is not. It is not." just seemed repetitive before, it now conveys the emphatic tone it should. When I read it, I can hear it being said, "It is not! (By God) it is not!" Yes, you capture that sense of having to stop before you want to very well. The painfulness of having to pull back before you are done.
Dale
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.