Sculpture

[Todd]

Hi Philatone,

It's been awhile since I've had a chance to read and comment on your work. Hopefully, this feedback will be helpful to you.

I have a feeling that most of my comments (almost all) will fall under the category of style choices. It is very possible that I'm just being a slave to my preferences. I read this through a few times and didn't find any glaring issues so please weigh these comments appropriately.

staring into petrified eyes
as chisels burrow into marrow,

I'm not convinced that these opening lines do much for you. I like the idea of staring into petrified eyes both for how petrified conveys stone and fear. The rhythm you establish in the hammers line though feels like a more true opening. These lines feel like they got you to the action and I think I'd prefer simply starting there (again might simply be a style preference)

hammers and tools--If you do make a change above then you may want to consider changing tools to chisels. Tools just seems a bit too vague. I certainly don't want you to use chisels three times in the poem so possibly only if you make an earlier adjustment
cannot separate
spirit from stone
man from earth
life from rib.--These four lines have a nice cadence to them. I love the thoughts. My one suggestion would be to pull up We are not God to the end of this strophe. I think it would benefit from a longer break and I think the longer lines might stand alone better without it in the same strophe (again a format style thing to consider). I really do love this entire train of thought. I think your build up to the rib (Eden allusion) fits so nicely into the next line.

We are not God
enough to lift the dead; just enough--nice line break
to bury them in the darkness
of a cloak, a windowless room,--why a cloak? I tried reversing the phrasing but "cloak of darkness" is too cliche and melodramatic for me. I kept wanting something like shroud to replace cloak, but I might be missing the intent. It's also quite possible that the image of the windowless room could stand alone

return them
to the grains of dust,--sort of a play on the ashes to ashes, dust to dust thing
hide the evidence
of a fallow field.--I found these two lines most interesting. I like the comparison of this barren type of life to a fallow field. You would expect harvest from a field but none is coming. It also made me think of the cursed fig tree in the gospel accounts.

It is not always easy
to lay the file down,
place the chisel by the sink,
wipe the powder to the floor;--To me this build up is the meat of the poem. The angst of the creator and the need to keep chipping away at it all
It is not always easy--I wasn't fond of this repetition here.
to finish
and be finished.--alternately you could mirror the previous line with "to be finished" losing the and
It is not always easy
to abandon a face
you almost recognize.--loved this line. Maybe consider inserting a strophe break at this point to set off the final line.
It is not. It is not.--This has a hollow despairing sense to it. I thought the ending had a good pay off.

I enjoyed the read.

Best,

Todd