canyon

[Aish]

Canyon

sunken ark
of earth and bones of water, Truly inspired imagery here. Magnetically unusual, yet the organic appeal is undeniable.

what thought sprouted, blossomed
and withered in the head
of the first man to see cliffs
scraping trees on your sides? Indeed. You draw this thought in my own mind.

Ideas of a bridge
must have died when he took
his first look
down,

saw the chasm of your spine
devour everything but his footsteps, I find this strophe magnificent.

heard the echo of sunlight echo of sunlight is a wonderful juxtoposition.
claw at prison walls.

Or, maybe, I do not care for the stumbling pause of two commas here.
he noticed none of this,
shrugged his shoulders
and looked for the safest place
to jump.

If only there
were a letter
written to his wife
--I can go no further from home This statement should be parenthetical.
or initials
carved into a willing trunk, I think you need a semi-colon here.

but then would I
be able to imagine him,
legs draping the edge,
eyes lost gazing somewhere
towards the end of the earth You need a question mark here.

--until then,
something he did not expect to be found
for another thousand years You need a period. I am not sure I care for the ending strophe. The poem basically ended for me in the strophe above.


I really enjoyed this immensely, Philatone. I often survey my surroundings and wonder about impossible things.