12-19-2011, 12:25 AM
I like the interline rhymes, they create a nice cadence. There are some lines though that either don't make much sense, or are grammatically or syntactically a bit odd.
"once the house has set
to sleep"
"where tomorrow it will not matter
how your gift
wandered into the morning,"
--------------------------------------------------
"or that the name
on the bottom
of the tag
is wrong. "
1. Why wouldn't it matter.
2. Bottom of tag, or did you mean tag on the bottom of the present. I didn't know tags had bottoms
Dale
"once the house has set
to sleep"
"where tomorrow it will not matter
how your gift
wandered into the morning,"
--------------------------------------------------
"or that the name
on the bottom
of the tag
is wrong. "
1. Why wouldn't it matter.
2. Bottom of tag, or did you mean tag on the bottom of the present. I didn't know tags had bottoms
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.