12-15-2011, 08:17 PM
there's lots to like here, though the last two stanza feel as if they're better on there own.
i like the simplicity of 'Same air, same life'. i'm not sure the as is needed on the penultimate line.
i also like 'bathing in a single wind.it has a starkness about it.
'through a lonely window opens up many POV's,
back to the 1st stanza. i did a google of hick's basement only to find repair work offered hehe.
so the first line leaves me wondering more than i should as to who hick's is. obviously someone nasty as it's lined with bones.
i think if i knew of hick's it would strengthen the stanza.
thanks for the read jack
i like the simplicity of 'Same air, same life'. i'm not sure the as is needed on the penultimate line.
i also like 'bathing in a single wind.it has a starkness about it.
'through a lonely window opens up many POV's,
back to the 1st stanza. i did a google of hick's basement only to find repair work offered hehe.
so the first line leaves me wondering more than i should as to who hick's is. obviously someone nasty as it's lined with bones.
i think if i knew of hick's it would strengthen the stanza.
thanks for the read jack