12-15-2011, 04:01 AM
i only just got round to this one granny;
i'm not sure the wave play works that well. as it stands out more than if it had a rhyme scheme.
love the first two lines. i can imagine coward saying the 2nd.
the zero punctuation seems okay to me. it doesn't lose anything. that i didn't notice it is a plus i think.
if i had a comment outside the questions it would be the title. the last 2 lines shows us trapped. maybe use the title to add something more to the piece.
thanks for the read.
i'm not sure the wave play works that well. as it stands out more than if it had a rhyme scheme.
love the first two lines. i can imagine coward saying the 2nd.
the zero punctuation seems okay to me. it doesn't lose anything. that i didn't notice it is a plus i think.
if i had a comment outside the questions it would be the title. the last 2 lines shows us trapped. maybe use the title to add something more to the piece.
thanks for the read.