12-11-2011, 11:40 PM
This seems to start off in ballad meter, well at least by stanza two, but then the lines begin to lengthen and makes it up to at least pentameter. I would call it iambic free verse, but it doesn't stick with iambs. About the only thing consistent is the rhyme pattern. Surprising, it doesn't really seem to matter, as the changing line doesn't seem to hurt the reading at all. I guess overall it could be called accentual verse if one must label it. I only do so here as this is in the "poems for serious critique" forum. The incidental and inter-line rhyme seem to help smooth the thing out. A good example of this is,
"How we manipulate syntax and sin
dictates-- what could or should have stood--"
I think maybe one of the first three stanzas would be example enough. Mainly stanzas 2 and 3 seem a bit gratuitous, and somewhat forced. It's certainly happened to me when I get a line like "or make a gargoyle cry", and think I just have to put it in. The truth is that it is not really as cute as I think it is.
Stanzas 4 and 5 read well. I think the rhyme in 6 is a little forced, and as a result this poem doesn't end as strongly as I think it could.
This topic is fairly well covered ground, although S5 brings a bit a freshness to it, and I think is my favorite stanza out of the poem.
Dale
"How we manipulate syntax and sin
dictates-- what could or should have stood--"
I think maybe one of the first three stanzas would be example enough. Mainly stanzas 2 and 3 seem a bit gratuitous, and somewhat forced. It's certainly happened to me when I get a line like "or make a gargoyle cry", and think I just have to put it in. The truth is that it is not really as cute as I think it is.
Stanzas 4 and 5 read well. I think the rhyme in 6 is a little forced, and as a result this poem doesn't end as strongly as I think it could.
This topic is fairly well covered ground, although S5 brings a bit a freshness to it, and I think is my favorite stanza out of the poem.
Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.