12-11-2011, 03:03 PM
This will probably sound ridiculous, but to me the word "shat" feels too much like literary technique. It's slang, which puts it not a million miles away from metaphor. I think "shit" would sound better. The enjambment could also be changed to this:
"At my feet a lark.
It fell during summer thunder."
Overall though this is a funny and imaginative piece. I like the intrusion of narrative voice, adding humour to what is quite a tragic image. Thanks for the read, Bilbo
"At my feet a lark.
It fell during summer thunder."
Overall though this is a funny and imaginative piece. I like the intrusion of narrative voice, adding humour to what is quite a tragic image. Thanks for the read, Bilbo
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe