12-07-2011, 08:36 PM
i think even in modern poems an odd cliche doesn't do much damage. nor would a lot of other stuff.
we read a poem in a book and like or loathe it. here in a critique forum we often get overly excessive about such things because here they are the nature of the beast. all that said. a cliche can often work better than a non cliche in the right place and poem setting. a robbing hood poem wou'dn't be a robin hood poem without a green knocking about somewhere. some things are just meant to be
the extra 2 verse reads well and gives it more depth. i like the changes to the last verse.
i think it's one of those poem that could be done in many forms. the end rhyme scheme you use is spot on.
i do understand you r keeping the meter and so i won't say the packing words need removing hehe. good edit jill
we read a poem in a book and like or loathe it. here in a critique forum we often get overly excessive about such things because here they are the nature of the beast. all that said. a cliche can often work better than a non cliche in the right place and poem setting. a robbing hood poem wou'dn't be a robin hood poem without a green knocking about somewhere. some things are just meant to be
the extra 2 verse reads well and gives it more depth. i like the changes to the last verse.
i think it's one of those poem that could be done in many forms. the end rhyme scheme you use is spot on.
i do understand you r keeping the meter and so i won't say the packing words need removing hehe. good edit jill