11-29-2011, 06:14 PM
Hi Daw,
Nice to see you! This so reminds me of poem I wrote many years ago....(I must find it out and post it so you can see - great minds think alike)
I like the repetition of your verses, as that shows the true monotony of the treadmill, and the use of 'and' at the end of lines, adds to that. I agree with Leanne and Mark on the last verse being unnecessary. You could try a re-write, though omitting it entirely does work well.
tussle
ps - I will post my poem, and then you can have a go at doing a critique....I don't bite so you can say whatever you like! Obviously, if you'd rather not...that's okay, too.
Nice to see you! This so reminds me of poem I wrote many years ago....(I must find it out and post it so you can see - great minds think alike)
I like the repetition of your verses, as that shows the true monotony of the treadmill, and the use of 'and' at the end of lines, adds to that. I agree with Leanne and Mark on the last verse being unnecessary. You could try a re-write, though omitting it entirely does work well.
tussle
ps - I will post my poem, and then you can have a go at doing a critique....I don't bite so you can say whatever you like! Obviously, if you'd rather not...that's okay, too.