Trapped

Trapped

grannyjill Offline

Senior Member

Posts: 168
Threads: 25
Joined: Aug 2011

11-29-2011, 05:55 PM

Trapped

I’m an extra
rhubarbing my way
through a scene from a Noel Coward play
this is my life
no-one knows
I’d win a Buddha look-alike game
my brain doesn’t wave
it shakes its fist
my face shows no trace
it remains still

Does no punctuation detract or add anything? Does my rhyming - ditto?
Are there too many I's and my's? All suggestions gratefully received

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Messages In This Thread

Trapped - by grannyjill - 11-29-2011, 05:55 PM

RE: Trapped - by billy - 12-15-2011, 04:01 AM

RE: Trapped - by Philatone - 12-15-2011, 10:31 AM

RE: Trapped - by heslopian - 12-15-2011, 09:37 PM

RE: Trapped - by rbl - 12-16-2011, 12:16 PM

RE: Trapped - by Wildcard - 12-19-2011, 12:59 PM

RE: Trapped - by grannyjill - 12-19-2011, 05:05 PM

RE: Trapped - by Wildcard - 12-20-2011, 12:13 AM

RE: Trapped - by Erthona - 12-20-2011, 05:24 PM

RE: Trapped - by grannyjill - 12-20-2011, 06:40 PM

RE: Trapped - by Erthona - 12-20-2011, 07:22 PM

RE: Trapped - by grannyjill - 12-22-2011, 05:54 PM

RE: Trapped - by Erthona - 12-22-2011, 09:16 PM

RE: Trapped - by grannyjill - 12-23-2011, 04:42 AM

RE: Trapped - by Erthona - 12-23-2011, 09:11 AM

RE: Trapped - by grannyjill - 12-24-2011, 03:16 AM

RE: Trapped - by Erthona - 12-24-2011, 05:02 AM

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