A Soldier's Sacrifice

[grannyjill]

Hmm, I'm not really used to giving feedback on poems, especially not in English, but I'll give it a try..

I mostly agree with what Leanne said, though I wouldn't use the word 'yet' as Leanne suggested (in the first line of the second stanza). I'd use the the word 'but', so it would be "I did not choose death, but death chose me." or if you want to have 10 syllables you could write "I did not choose death, but death did choose me".

O, and in the first line, wouldn't it be more naturally to write "Know this: Death did not steal my victory" instead of "Know this. Death did not steal my victory."? Just wandering, maybe it's just me..

I've got nothing else to say, other than that I think it's a nice poem. Reminds me of when I went to France to Normandy, where the first landings of the Allies took place..

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Hi, Some

Thank you for your suggestions. I think I am pretty happy with the way the poem is now, although, you have made me think about the first line.

I reckon
Know this; Death did not steal my victory - might be better than 'Know this:...'it just seems more natural and creates a slightly longer pause than a comma without being as abrupt as :