11-11-2011, 08:21 AM
So that's why people watch those slasher flicks... I must confess I've never really found them more than ridiculous and a little bit ick. I do tend to cheer a little bit when the annoyingly perky girl ends up on a meathook or something though. I fear that may be a psychological issue 
Anyway, to the poem: I think the "telly" component of the second stanza could be easily overcome with a few short flashes of imagery, just quick phrases like "meat hook", maybe separated by commas or full stops. The "forgot" instead of "forgotten" issue bothers me as well.
I really like "they'll never grow old now" -- it reminds me of soldiers, and gives a more parodic dimension to the "nobility" of the victims.
Anyway, to the poem: I think the "telly" component of the second stanza could be easily overcome with a few short flashes of imagery, just quick phrases like "meat hook", maybe separated by commas or full stops. The "forgot" instead of "forgotten" issue bothers me as well.I really like "they'll never grow old now" -- it reminds me of soldiers, and gives a more parodic dimension to the "nobility" of the victims.
It could be worse