Armchair Slasher

[Philatone]

Hey jack, just wanted to share

Daylight shots of hanging bones. Wire baskets filled with skulls, ..now this does seem to introduce a meter. not sure if it was intentional or not, as it only slowly disintegrates as the stanza continues
a clucking chicken in a cage suspended from the roof. ..I think the scene is already established; i'm not sure if this line adds a whole lot besides being an unusual image
Sunbeams catch the dust. The girl's a good screamer; ..good line and transition
tight red hot pants, flowing hair, she embodies teenage love ..got caught up in "embodies". it's a word like "represents" or "is similar to". why not just say "is" to strengthen the comparison? just a thought. or maybe "captures"?
below the Woodstock sky. After he catches her in his front room ..line is good as is. thought about playing with the enjambment so the line would end on "her" instead of "room"

one of the killers sticks her on a cold, shining meat hook. ..I felt I didn't want to be told this. could it be expressed more subtly? one option would be to use the passive (she is hung on a hook) or to switch the agent to the girl even (she finds a hook)? again, only a suggestion. the introduction of "the killers" stole some momentum you had carefully crafted in the previous stanza
The second to die in the lonely farmhouse, years of memories
are wiped; things she planned one day to tell her children
now forgot..."forgotten"?. More deaths will come, followed by a final girl
who escapes covered in blood, her limbs almost stiff, ..these last 4-5 lines told me more than I would have liked, over showing. maybe you could have her flashback to the actual things she can no longer share?

throat hoarse with screaming. To read her script must be
a treat: Make as much noise as you can. Nothing else
encourages my nihilistic side like a slasher film.
They begin with an image of youth, laughter and sunlight
through hair, making love, girls who like astrology,

tolerant boyfriends. (Straightaway I'm picturing
the power tools and spleens.) It's as though
they expected to be in a plot, but thought it would be
something light; a coming-of age-story, perhaps.
They'll never grow old now. I rewind the tape....like the bit on the tape, adds a whole new component to the piece

again, my biggest thing was showing vs. telling, but i'm curious to see what others think about it. hope you can connect with some of the suggestions[/b]!