statement

[Philatone]

Ey! some quick thoughts

he left work at six o'clock. ..corresponding to line 2, I like how "he" is alone in this stanza, much as he was when he left work I'm guessing". Adding the "we" in the stanza below is perfect. Also, by isolating the "he" up here, reiterates that sense of "trapping to come". great stuff! I may be reading too much into it though

we trapped him down the alleyway. ..I think the period works wonderfully here. really encloses the line, reinforcing meaning
i hit the back of his head with a brick
hidden in my mum's stocking,
then harry held him down as I worked his spine. ..interesting use of "worked"

a bird chirped somewhere nearby.
a leaf blew against my left shoe.
i kicked it off. it was like kicking off a dog...debating how much you needed the "off" in the line with the dog

i got a lot of blood on me but it was okay
because i was wearing my dad's mack,
and harry had brought his sport's bag
so i could stuff it inside.

we did it because harry's dad said he was a pervert.
he lived by himself and was always giving
sweets to kids. james said he looked at him once
as he was walking to school.
james had thrown a stone at his window
but still. ..nothing against the above 2 stanzas per se, but they did feel a little telly to me. think the "but still" is great!

after we did it we left him there.
he kind of whined a bit but it was drowned out by that bird.
i kicked some more leaves then we went home for tea. strong close I think

wouldn't call it a fun topic, but did like the read