She

[addy]

Yep, every poem can be worked on. Even if you don't like this now, with a few rewrites you might change your tune

The other comments already tackled the biggest points... use unique imagery. Show, don't tell. And, though it seems like a minor consideration, grammar and spelling is important, too. I noticed that at many points you used a comma, when in fact a period would have been more appropriate.

I think you could also do a lot to strengthen that ending: "She had the most I wanted... Self-esteem" is just a version of something you've already mentioned elsewhere in the poem "She had a solid esteem... While I felt hollow in my stomach", so at best it has no impact, and at worst it's just repetitive. Pick a different idea to end the poem on, or at least give a unique take on that idea .

I'll assume you're trying to do the poem in past tense, so I'll correct it as such. You can do it in whatever tense you like

The warmth of her smile , no comma
upsurged the envy in my heart, period here. Try choosing a more appropriate word than upsurged, or better yet change the lines into images
her success brought tears to my eyes, semicolon instead of comma. Try upping the drama of this line: "Each success was a sting...", just do your own thing
animosity hurtled through my bones,
insecurities gnawed my soul, period. Also, challenge yourself to build these last two lines into stronger, more unique images


She had a solid esteem, no need for comma
while, remove comma I felt hollow in my stomach, period
She had everything I craved, period. Get's a little telly at this point
I tried to become her
but, no comma fell flat on my face, period here. I think this could be said in a more interesting way. "I try on her faces... like a clown to the world" or something much better


time wasted focusing on her,
a jaded look upon my face,
each observations remove s caused more troubles remove s, put period. But I think you should rephrase this anyway. Choose less awkward words, more flowing and poetic ones. ,
Hatred I felt within the flesh, I notice you often describe feeling as 'some reaction you felt in your body'. Try to describe your feelings beyond that. Stretch your sensitivity, your imagination.
She had the most I wanted
Self-Esteem.

Just keep working on this, and keep writing!