The Silent Grooves

[Philatone]

hey heslopian
have to say, your title drew me in from the start. taking it from there here are my thoughts and suggestions (do as you please of course)

When life serves you a hollow goose,
flesh crumbling like some old church, .."crumbling" is a wonderful word. with the flesh, it really turns disgusting, moreso even with the church image. captured well
and demands you strip the bones with nothing but your teeth, ..I was wondering if you need the "your"
it's easy to lean on despair.

there is a decent-sized jump here between stanzas. could another one be added, or more of a transition?

Threaten suicide like one
would threaten cutting off a leech. ..i'm not sure of the way i'm supposed to take these first two lines--I think it stems from the "leech" and uncertainty about how it's being used: as medicine? as something awful? leads to drastically different interpretations
You're not brave enough to leave
that vampire alone, so pay his way



for small comforts, but threatening is cathartic. ..certainly a tiny grain of truth here
An open window to the left
of your headboard, the silent grooves ..like how the "grooves" have made their way here
of keys. This is my body and this is my blood. ..interesting. comparing a sacrifice of suicide to something biblical? am I interpreting it wrong?

You cannot exchange it for wine. ..charged, defiant line here
Drink nonetheless from these fountains of jet. ..really like the fountain image
(Fables written by twenty-year olds are redundant.)
When a metaphor is born, what keeps it from drawing breath?

If I was asked what this poem was about, I would respond "Desperation caused by life expecting too much of the speaker". But I'm not confident in that answer, as everything is abstract. The religious images here I found interesting in their decay, so I believe that has a larger role in the poem--maybe it could become even larger?

just my thoughts