10-17-2011, 02:32 PM
(10-17-2011, 12:16 PM)Heslopian Wrote: Thanks for the feedback, Bilboi think it's threaten suicide part (at the first glance) any poem i give a once over to and see the word suicide makes me think of the cutters handbook
I don't know what word I could replace "suicide" with, but I'll have a think about it. What makes you lean towards hate? Does the poem come across as self-pitying or arrogant? I worried about that with the silent grooves line and the Biblical references.
i suppose it works but for me it really has to work really or else it's one of the fake words uttered but never followed that poets use. how about just removing it?
Threaten like one
would threaten cutting off a leech.
but it's just my ha pen'eth, as always the choice is yours