10-17-2011, 12:50 PM
i think this is superb, Jack. It's hard to describe, but many of your lines and turns of phrase seem so perfect, so right, that I tense up when I read them. i love "a hollow goose", something large and fat rendered skeletal. I love "silent grooves of keys". I love love love your last line. If I absolutely had to pick a nit, maybe "some old church" is not as evocative as it could be... nevertheless, I understand that it serves to echo the religious overtones throughout the piece so I don't really mind it either. Wonderfully done Jack, imo. Bravo.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?