10-16-2011, 07:33 PM
This feel like more caricuture than characterization and the poem doesn't allow me to get to know know this guy very well. I would have preferred a short story as there are so many unanswered questions. For example, have the kids left him just because he can't accept change or because he supports the BNP or did he abuse them?
I remember seeing a woman in a diner in the 1970s who had her hair styled just like I'd seen in movies made in the 30s. I promised myself that I would not let myself get stuck in time and have my hair cut the same way for forty years.
So your poem is about something I am interested in: the refusal of some people to adapt to a changing world. Bitter old folks railing at at immigrants and young people. I think you should write this again because it is worth showing how this man is a real problem for society and maybe you need to confront his type with a better poem.
Sorry for blathering.
I remember seeing a woman in a diner in the 1970s who had her hair styled just like I'd seen in movies made in the 30s. I promised myself that I would not let myself get stuck in time and have my hair cut the same way for forty years.
So your poem is about something I am interested in: the refusal of some people to adapt to a changing world. Bitter old folks railing at at immigrants and young people. I think you should write this again because it is worth showing how this man is a real problem for society and maybe you need to confront his type with a better poem.
Sorry for blathering.