10-15-2011, 03:28 PM
i agree with the those two.
about the feedback; yes! give it a shot please. just say what you feel without being cruel, as in;
your poem sucks donkey balls, etc. if something doesn't seem right for you, say so. if we can't take it that something doesn't work for us, we should be in a back patting group. so yes, please give it a shot, we'll like you all the more for it
would you consider losing the very last line? (just a thought)
the *could end here* really doesn't work, either cut or leave the last part of the poem, but get rid of that line
the lines you removed do make a difference for the better. (jmo)
i will say it's better suited to one of the other forums.
about the feedback; yes! give it a shot please. just say what you feel without being cruel, as in;
your poem sucks donkey balls, etc. if something doesn't seem right for you, say so. if we can't take it that something doesn't work for us, we should be in a back patting group. so yes, please give it a shot, we'll like you all the more for it
would you consider losing the very last line? (just a thought)
the *could end here* really doesn't work, either cut or leave the last part of the poem, but get rid of that line
the lines you removed do make a difference for the better. (jmo)
i will say it's better suited to one of the other forums.