10-15-2011, 11:54 AM
Welcome back! I quite like your edit, but I tend to think you should keep the last bit as part of the main body of the poem -- given it's about Greenwich, I really enjoy the playfulness of "the tick of the clock met its tock", and it sounds fantastic when read aloud as well. I am less keen on the camera line and think that's probably overkill.
On feedback, I've just read your comment on another poem and would have to say, that's pretty much right on the money for this forum. Negatives can and should be pointed out if you find them, even if it's only your opinion, because as you've discovered, nobody's forcing people to take their advice
On feedback, I've just read your comment on another poem and would have to say, that's pretty much right on the money for this forum. Negatives can and should be pointed out if you find them, even if it's only your opinion, because as you've discovered, nobody's forcing people to take their advice
It could be worse