She

[Larry]

For future reference, steer clear of cliches such as "The warmth of her smile" or "gnawing my soul"
This does show flashes of originality, such as "animosity hurtled through my bones", so remember
Poetry is not about "what" you say, rather, "how" you say it! Make sure to express yourself in an
Engaging and creative way each time, pour your soul and mind into your poetry, and I'm sure the
Finished product shall be great! I struggle with it often, but one phrase I try to keep in the back
Of my head is: "Show, don't tell" Rather than droning on about the situation, illustrate it!
Tell me of the way her lips curled, the movement of her hair, all while using plenty of verbs and straying away from
Redundant adjectives or run-ons.

She had a solid esteem,
while, I felt hollow in my stomach,
She had everything I craved,
I tried to become her
but, fell flat on my face,

Do you need a comma in front of while?
Give examples of her self esteem,
Illustrate it, please.

time wasted focusing on her,
a jaded look upon my face,
each observations caused more troubles,
Hatred I felt within the flesh,
She had the most I wanted
Self-Esteem.

Watch out for grammar and spelling errors in your poetry.
I would revise this entire paragraph:

Time wasted focusing on her,
a jaded look upon my face,
each observation caused more trouble,
Hatred I felt within my flesh,
She had what I wanted most
Self-Esteem.


I'll write more in a bit, overall, not too bad.
Just keep trying!