10-10-2011, 08:03 AM
(10-10-2011, 12:59 AM)Philatone Wrote: At times like these What kind of times? It's too vague an opener for me.I like the theme running through this piece of writing. I personally am not a fan of capitalizing every line. It is a novice device IMO and detracts from the poem. Your lines are quite short and choppy, which is in direct contrast to the conversational tone of the poem.
I wish I were a gardener.
Today
Would be the day Why would today be the day?
I could see sprouts hatch from the porch
And I would feel
Like a sunburned and bearded captain
Gazing at the tiny islands strung
To the end of a long and salted periscope. I read 'salted periscope' as 'salted peanuts' the first time.
To be a gardener:
To find a home
Not in doors and water faucets
But in
The green
Bursting
Of the earth.
I am drawn
To their tapestries,
Woven in mulch and
Hedge stones.
I even admire
The crumbs of earth
Sprinkled on their gloves
So much, one day
I looked
For tools to build
My own quarter of Eden,
But all I found
Were two hands
Stiff as steel
And a heart too cold Too cold for what?
Beneath clouds too dry.
I am upset no longer
For not having the touch The slightly longer lines in this strophe are better for the enjambment imo.
That lifts petals to the sun.
I only wonder
If these things
Happen to other people
Who search for a garden
Without a thought
To a single seed,
Or to the minute it took
To place it there,
And how many holes
It takes
To lay a poem for tomorrow,
Or even
How much shade.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?

