Gardener
#2
(10-10-2011, 12:59 AM)Philatone Wrote:  At times like these What kind of times? It's too vague an opener for me.
I wish I were a gardener.

Today
Would be the day Why would today be the day?
I could see sprouts hatch from the porch
And I would feel
Like a sunburned and bearded captain
Gazing at the tiny islands strung
To the end of a long and salted periscope. I read 'salted periscope' as 'salted peanuts' the first time.

To be a gardener:
To find a home
Not in doors and water faucets
But in
The green
Bursting
Of the earth.

I am drawn
To their tapestries,
Woven in mulch and
Hedge stones.
I even admire
The crumbs of earth
Sprinkled on their gloves

So much, one day
I looked
For tools to build
My own quarter of Eden,

But all I found
Were two hands
Stiff as steel
And a heart too cold Too cold for what?
Beneath clouds too dry.

I am upset no longer
For not having the touch The slightly longer lines in this strophe are better for the enjambment imo.
That lifts petals to the sun.

I only wonder
If these things
Happen to other people

Who search for a garden
Without a thought
To a single seed,
Or to the minute it took
To place it there,

And how many holes
It takes
To lay a poem for tomorrow,
Or even
How much shade.
I like the theme running through this piece of writing. I personally am not a fan of capitalizing every line. It is a novice device IMO and detracts from the poem. Your lines are quite short and choppy, which is in direct contrast to the conversational tone of the poem.

PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Messages In This Thread
Gardener - by Philatone - 10-10-2011, 12:59 AM
RE: Gardener - by Aish - 10-10-2011, 08:03 AM
RE: Gardener - by Philatone - 10-10-2011, 08:35 AM
RE: Gardener - by billy - 10-10-2011, 11:35 AM
RE: Gardener - by addy - 10-10-2011, 09:07 PM
RE: Gardener - by Todd - 10-10-2011, 10:57 PM
RE: Gardener - by Philatone - 10-11-2011, 07:38 AM
RE: Gardener - by addy - 10-11-2011, 12:28 PM
RE: Gardener - by billy - 10-13-2011, 05:57 AM



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