10-06-2011, 02:57 PM
I think the imagery is indeed very beautiful... the narration is enchanting. It tells a story and paints a picture very, very well.
I thought the penultimate stanza and onward ("So come join them..." etc) was slightly jarring, only because up til that point I didn't know the reader was supposed to be an audience it that sense so the call to action took me by surprise and seemed to shift the gears of the poem entirely, so late in the game. That might be just my impression though.
I thought the penultimate stanza and onward ("So come join them..." etc) was slightly jarring, only because up til that point I didn't know the reader was supposed to be an audience it that sense so the call to action took me by surprise and seemed to shift the gears of the poem entirely, so late in the game. That might be just my impression though.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?