10-06-2011, 04:56 AM
Stef, I'm afraid I really just love this, sorry about that! Every bit of alliteration, assonance and very subtle rhyme is in the right place (I especially like "Lettie Lee/ought-a-be". At first t' bosses gave me pause, as the rest of the poem is in fairly elegant language, but then I imagined you reading it aloud and changing voice just slightly for that bit, bringing in the full accent to make it clear it's what the workers themselves are saying. Love the "tweedy faces of children" as well. I could probably go on... and shouldn't, of course. I genuinely think this is excellent stuff, and publishable as it is.
It could be worse