10-06-2011, 04:39 AM
I prefer the 'Aish' version. For all the disjointed nature of this piece, and for all its final outpouring, I had the strong impression that it was still written as it were not to disclose stuff. More simply, I would have had 'bluntly' preceded by a colon, or semi-colon, so as to catapult the meaning to the last words. I thought the 'acid light' lines were good, perhaps because I know that lights, like bike-lights, once drew their light from acid, acetic, I think. 