Hunters Moon

[Aish]

This is the month of the death of the father, I think "of the death of the father' could be moved down a line'
this is the month of desultory grief. Is 'this is' necessary?
October, tensile, resonates to
the tarnished metallic despair
of unlove, blunt stabbed into the gut I think 'blunt' would read better as 'bluntly'.

This is the month of undigested sin, I really like this line
sitting in the mineral sharp stomach of October. 'is October' necessary as a personified element?
Cut adrift from all names, nights
lying exposed on bone cold streets
dowsed in bitter acid light, I'm not convinced this line is necessary.
cold and callous pure. Perhaps 'cold and callously pure'?

These are the nights of flickering film stills, A nice way to describe memory
the chaff that blows unhomely in I am not understanding 'unhomely'.
unanchored hours.

I have danced in the wake of a long past vessel, hidden For the sake of enjambment I think 'of a long past vessel' could be dropped down a line.
face down from the shadow echo spat out by fire Beginning at 'echo' you should drop it down a line. The way it's reading without a break makes no sense to me.
and the salt tears cried into walls.

This is the month of the Hunter's moon
holding me captive
all your years. A very embittered end.

Overall this piece is uncomfortable to me as the reader, but that's good - it should be. It speaks to me of the cycle of death and mourning, both as autumn approaches as well as emotionally. There is an overtly spiritual component here as well, "This is the month of undigested sin". It speaks very strongly to me of Yom Kippur, but that is personal bias.
The steely embittered atmosphere is well rendered.