Parola
#2
(10-04-2011, 03:00 PM)Philatone Wrote:  A word
Is a passion,
A single
Candlelit night
After a thunderstorm,
A firefly
In a just opened jar.

This
Is a word. don't mock but this play on a word is my fave part of the poem

It will not
Bring flowers
To your door
In a straw basket.

It will not
Pay gratuity
In a restaurant
With change from its red purse.

A ferry,
It ships our children away
When it is time for them
To be buried
In slumber.

A bucket,
It draws embers
From the bottom of its well.

A scar,
It fastens
Onto the cadence
Of your voice,

And with
Every breath, every whisper
I cannot help
But think of a word

As a passenger boarding
On a crowding train (i love the use of crowding, it's a prefect image (did you mean crowded? i hope not)
Destined to reach you
From me.
the title had me, i kept thinking of parole (Blush) so i looked it it up, all i could find was; Tagalog for lighthouse.

i suppose you could have gone through the dictionary but i'm glad you didn't hehe, what you used was almost perfect in the lead up to the last stanza, (i changed my mind, after a few reads that is my favourite part.
you would think a poem about the "word" or "A" word would be boring (i've read a lot in this style which are) but non of that with this.
i read it a few times now and it reads better each time, in the first read it made me think "is this right, should it be like that" in places and i realized it was me which wasn't quite right in the reading of it (does that make sense)
if i had a nit it was this stanza


A bucket,
It draws embers
From the bottom of its well.

i couldn't get a grip on the metaphor (it could just be me but it's true)

thanks for the read and hope to see some more of your poetry Smile
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Messages In This Thread
Parola - by Philatone - 10-04-2011, 03:00 PM
RE: Parola - by billy - 10-04-2011, 04:15 PM
RE: Parola - by addy - 10-04-2011, 05:04 PM
RE: Parola - by Ca ne fait rien - 10-04-2011, 06:27 PM
RE: Parola - by billy - 10-04-2011, 06:46 PM
RE: Parola - by Philatone - 10-04-2011, 09:52 PM
RE: Parola - by billy - 10-05-2011, 05:54 AM
RE: Parola - by Todd - 10-05-2011, 12:35 AM
RE: Parola - by Wildcard - 10-05-2011, 08:30 PM



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