09-26-2011, 04:49 AM
Mark, I've not a nit to pick with the meter -- some sonnet nazis will tell you that it must be iambic pentameter, but Petrarch didn't use that meter and neither have plenty of other poets, it's just that some people assume that the most usual way is the only way possible and won't budge from that!
The second line? "while an E/vil man HIDES/ in his SHAME/ for his CRIMES" -- perfect anapaestic tetrameter. I also like your sestet, which not only gives you a volta in thought, but also changes the entire feel of the poem to almost a ballad, with the alternating foot lengths. I think it's an excellent sonnet in that it fulfills every requirement of the form. It always impresses me more when someone actually gets the essence of the form and can work out exactly what to change and why.
The second line? "while an E/vil man HIDES/ in his SHAME/ for his CRIMES" -- perfect anapaestic tetrameter. I also like your sestet, which not only gives you a volta in thought, but also changes the entire feel of the poem to almost a ballad, with the alternating foot lengths. I think it's an excellent sonnet in that it fulfills every requirement of the form. It always impresses me more when someone actually gets the essence of the form and can work out exactly what to change and why.
It could be worse