09-15-2011, 04:22 PM
words such as elegance and sighs, in their context, make it more a senryu, (which i like)
sighs could be changed to dies which would make the last line a solid image of the moment.
not sure how to change elegance for the haiku, maybe just leave it as a good senryu.
sighs could be changed to dies which would make the last line a solid image of the moment.
not sure how to change elegance for the haiku, maybe just leave it as a good senryu.