09-12-2011, 08:13 PM
An emotionally chilling piece Jack. I like your choice of making the imagery symbolic and almost dreamy, giving the cycle a primeval ritualistic feel (that second strophe is particularly gorgeous). My only thought, perhaps the last line in the first strophe is a little out of place? Otherwise, I think its quite spot-on.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?